Taught to be Ashamed

I was raised in the church and though I haven't attended or paid tithing in a long time, I still love the LDS people. My entire family practices faithfully. Every one of my siblings (not to mention my parents) met their spouses at BYU. My nieces and nephews are being raised in the church. These are the people I care most about in my life. So while I'm not in good standing, I hope you can appreciate that this letter comes from a place of love and honesty. I hope you don't write it off. I am still invested in the church because my family is still invested.

I spent the better part of highschool and some of college clinically depressed. At one point, I took medication. It was only through therapy and medication that I was able to put depression (mostly) behind me. I have nothing but respect for mental health professionals because they have saved my life.

I won't pretend that my depression was solely due to my church experience. That would be too simplistic. But I know that it was a contributing factor. I felt intense shame for my sexual urges, even when I didn't act on them. I felt guilty and unworthy at almost all hours of the day, simply because I was experiencing puberty. Looking back, I know that there was nothing unnatural about my awakening sexuality, but through my experiences in the church, I learned to be ashamed nonetheless.

The shame I experienced shouldn't have been a defining part of my adolescence. It shouldn't still be shaping my life to this day, years after I stopped attending church. Yet it is and was.

—Anonymous