Dear President Daley,

I am officially accepting the invitation to attend in person the council being held in my behalf on April 18, 2021, at 7:30pm (CDT) at 1409 S Rock Road, Derby, Kansas. I appreciate your flexibility in moving the date that had originally been set for April 11, 2021.

I understand that this council is being held to discuss what you consider my “repeated, clear, and public opposition to the Church, its doctrine, its policies, and its leaders.” I plead “not guilty.”

As you know I did not receive your letter dated November 8, 2020 until February 13, 2021. That was the date that both my Facebook messenger and my Email account can confirm your attempt to contact me after you must have sent your letter to an old email account of mine no longer functioning. The letter I sent back to you expressing that I was willing to address any concerns locally, and my official request that my records be transferred to the Wilford Utah Stake, was sent to your email on February 27, 2021. I will attach that letter here for your council to review. You also know that a copy of your summons letter dated March 21, 2021 was hand delivered by a representative of the Wilford Stake on April 4, 2021, Easter Sunday, General Conference Weekend.

In the short text conversations where I have asked a few clarifying questions to you and Bishop Labrum of the Bel Aire Ward, I have found out that I will only be allotted one hour for this event. This includes any persons who are willing to speak to the council on my behalf. I did request that I be allowed an hour and a half: half an hour for witnesses and one hour for me. I understand that this request has been denied. I was also informed that none of these persons could use video conferencing means to be present at the meeting (i.e Zoom). I also want to know that there was no communication to me as to how many persons could speak on my behalf until yesterday, April 15, 2021.

You did inform me that I should send you a list of individuals willing to represent me and my reason for their participation. I submitted the following individuals and reasons:

April 12, 2021 Andy Parker: As my spouse for the last 25 years, he is intimately aware of many dealings in regards to my relationship between my faith and my profession.

April 13, 2021 Kattie Mount, Jana Spangler, and Jody England: All are witnesses to my professional work in regards to serving LDS communities.

April 14, 2021 Jen Johnson: Believing member in a stake presidency who attended the “Marriage on a Tightrope” class and does not agree with all of my clinical positions.

April 14, 2021 Jennifer White: She helped me found the MMHA and also worked with me professionally for several years in my practice. I’m currently her supervisor for AASECT sex therapy accreditation and has a calling in her ward.

April 15, 2021 Paul Shipp: He will be representing as a member in good standing who is in a mixed orientation marriage and also with expertise in social justice advocacy. *Because the summons letter stated “legal counsel may not be present,” I also included “He is an attorney by trade. But he will not be representing me legally. Nor representing his firm in any way.”

I was informed yesterday that you would be limiting the witnesses to the first 6. I have informed those individuals of their approval to participate and shared the form they will need to sign before doing so.

I want to note that I started asking for support and speaking directly to potential witnesses as to their willingness and availability on April 11, 2021. This is because I spent April 5-10, 2021 contacting as many people as I could to see if this council could be avoided. This includes contacting and speaking with an emeritus general authority, who I will not disclose due to promised confidentiality. I was concerned about public backlash, potential embarrassment for the Church and the pain and division such public events cause our membership. Every membership council of high profile that I know of has led to members resigning from the Church, which pains me greatly. I wrote a letter to Elder Brian Rawson, North America Central Tenth Quorum Area Authority, outlining several concerns as to:

Why the council could not be postponed, why concerns over positions that I have held for many years were needing to be addressed now and in a stake I no longer reside in, why concerns could not be addressed in my local stake, several conflicts of interest I feel I have in my relationship with you personally, and why I was being subjected to the undue stress of travel, not having local resources and witnesses available to me, not to mention being close to my social network that could offer me support.

An almost identical letter was also co-jointly sent to M. Scott Newbold, President of the Wilford Stake (where I now reside) and Jon Smith, Bishop of the Wilford Ward. In this letter I stated, “I would like the opportunity to speak to my local leaders about these matters or concerns. If a membership council is still needed after doing so, I would be more than happy to participate and decide how to continue forward from there.” I received the following response from President Newbold: “I wanted to let you know that we have counseled together and counseled with President Daley and feel it is best for him to handle the council in Derby, Kansas as scheduled.”

I would like to accept the offer to invite the Bel Aire ward Relief Society president to be present and provide support. Although I do not believe I know her personally, I am encouraged by the many efforts the Church has made to include its women in administrative responsibilities. I would like to honor those efforts by extending an invitation. Please let her know on my behalf.

I would also like to request that all members of the high council attend this meeting. Section 32.9.2 of the General Handbook states “Members of the high council do not normally participate in stake membership councils. However, the high council may participate in difficult situations. For example, the stake presidency may invite the high council to participate when: (bulleted point #3) the member requests their participation.” Please let them know on my behalf.

I would like to request that I be informed, as soon as possible, of who will be present in this membership council, as well as their current callings in the Derby, Stake.

I am also requesting in writing, before the council takes place, what specific steps or actions are being required for me to be able to retain my membership. I have been through the Church’s formal repentance process on several occasions, and have always known what the expectations were for repair and returning to full fellowship status. I am concerned that this is not the case on this occasion. I cannot consent to reparation requirements if I am not informed as to what they are. I need time to prayerfully consider what will be asked of me.

I understand that these meetings are respectful in nature and that participants are expected to agree to the Church’s procedures and confidentiality. Part of this agreement includes “no participant is permitted to make an audio, video or written recording” because the Church considers membership councils to be sacred and confidential. I will agree to these conditions on my end. However, I forego any confidentiality agreement on yours. You are free to make an audio, video or written recording of the proceedings as a record of this meeting. I believe it will be an important record for the field of Mormon Studies and Mormon History. Although things may be sacred, I do not see that as always equating to them being secret. A principle of good community health is transparency, and I am willing to speak to any of your concerns publicly.

I agree that 2020 has been a very difficult year for many. I also agree that trials, albeit painful and challenging, are also opportunities for growth, learning and building resilience. I agree that gospel principles and the teachings of Jesus Christ offer many blessings that soothe my soul. His gospel teachings, which speak to:

the need for continuing revelation,

the privilege of personal revelation, and

the awesome responsibility of continued education (The glory of God is intelligence. Doctrine and Covenants 93:36)

bring comfort to my soul at this time of tension between members, as we all strive in diverse ways towards the global and diverse building of Zion.

I want you to know that this has been a season of great personal anguish and contemplation. I spent last Sunday, using the Sabbath principles to focus on prayer, meditation and attending to the promptings of the Spirit. I intentionally quieted my mind and asked my Heavenly Parents for wisdom and guidance: to be able to take care of my own needs, while simultaneously being aware of the needs of our Mormon community. For me this includes members of the Church (regardless of “standing” status) and the many others who may no longer commune with us in membership, but share our Mormon lived experience & heritage. I also asked for a priesthood blessing from my dear brother in the Gospel, Mike Hansen. And sat in a circle of prayer with my dear sisters in Zion, Jody England, Jana Spangler, Carie Fox, Sara Hughes-Zabawa and Lisa Butterworth. These heavenly pleadings and rituals, that I honor and value, have provided me with much peace and comfort. I have felt the Balm of Gilead. I can share my testimony that I have sincerely felt my God’s power, enlightenment (flow) and comfort.

I will be submitting several other documents that will address the concerns mentioned in your letter dated November 8th, 2020, as well as some of my own concerns. I know I will not have the sufficient time to do so this coming Sunday. I would like to use the time I do have, to discuss whether or not we can go forward in a mutually respectful way: where my professional ethics and best-care practices that my license depends on, can coexist with my personal faith and devotion.

I offer you the same blessing you offered me: may your family continue to be safe and well. May you be blessed and inspired as you have many difficult considerations weighing on your shoulders.

With love,

Sister Helfer

Natasha Helfer, LCMFT, CST, CST-S

February 27, 2021

Stephen Daley

Derby Kansas Stake

The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

Dear President Daley,

I appreciate the time you have taken to put your questions into writing and am grateful you care enough to engage in a dialogue. At the same time, after having some time to ponder our last meeting which included Bishop Labrum, I am requesting that my records be transferred to my local ward/stake. I’m not sure why this hasn’t already taken place since I have not lived in your stake boundaries since December of 2019. You are no longer my stake president and I think it makes more sense for me to handle any concerns locally if deemed necessary.

I wish you and your family well in your ongoing life journey.

Thank you,

Natasha Helfer

“I am releasing the following documents that I just sent to Stephen M. Daley, President of the Derby Kansas Stake in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Please know that I am prayerfully choosing a clinically-minded path of mindfulness, intentionality, transparency and honesty in my choices to the best of my capacity. These are my personal values which also coincide with principles of community health.

I would like to warn that this document and the fact that I am being brought to this council partly for my support for gay marriage may be triggering for LGBTQ+ members of our Mormon community. Wherever possible, where this story has become so national, I respectfully ask local community centers, mental health clinics, Pride Centers, and all other LGBTQ+ affirming entities to be aware of this particular Mormon wound so many are revisiting or currently living. We need your help.

I would like to say that I have received much advice and suggestions from numerous people from all walks of my Mormon community... this support has carried me and sustained me in a time of personal and professional need. I will be forever grateful. At the same time, I have not heeded most of the advice. I consulted with nobody about releasing these documents. While the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints often relies on legal counsel, I have relied on my professional wisdom and personal spiritual tools. And both led me down the same path.

You do You...

Which has been sobering... to have to take the simple-sounding, yet profound advice I often share in my clinical chair, in my parenting role, and in my friendship circles.

My warmth and love to all as always.

*I want to honor that it was in a chat with a transgender sister today where I received what I consider personal revelation of using the “You do You” as a mantra for this journey I am on.”

April 22, 2021

Dear President Nelson and members of the First Presidency,

I am aware that a membership council was held in my behalf on Sunday, April 18, 2021 at 7:30 pm at the Derby Kansas Stake Center. What I am not aware of is whether or not your office was contacted about this council, since I wrote a letter expressing concerns about a conflict of interest between Steve Daley and myself, prior to the event. If it is the case that you were contacted, I’m guessing my appeal here is moot since you already agree with the decision made. Regardless, this is my official letter of appeal.

I am sad that the council decided to proceed not only without me being able to personally share my thoughts in my defense, but also without being willing to meet with the 6 witnesses that had been approved prior to the council. All 7 of us signed the contract agreement that we would not make any recording of any kind during these proceedings. I will have you know, for your benefit, that I was offered three different types of recording devices that unless you would have been willing to physically frisk me, I could have easily taken into the meeting regardless of the status of my cell phone. I refused all such offers. Not to mention, my phone was where I had gathered several of my prepared answers to questions I could only guess at. Because at no time was I given instructions as to what I should expect in this meeting. So, when the gentleman in question offered the compromise that instead of turning my phone off, I could send my document via email to a member of the stake presidency so they could print my material off, that was a definite no. I did not want them seeing anything I had prepared beforehand, since I didn’t know which of my notes would be relevant. If the Church office needs help knowing how to provide better language in regards to contracts dealing with confidentiality, I’d be happy to help. I regularly help couples contract much more important things than how a phone should be used. This entire misunderstanding could have been avoided by simply mentioning something like, “Be aware that you will not be able to bring a cell phone or computer into the meeting. If you have notes you want to refer to, make sure you bring them in writing.”

I am also sad, that the letters I receive from Steve Daley continue to either flat out lie, mischaracterize me or mischaracterize the events as they have occurred. For example, “I am sad you chose to not comply with our requests to preserve the sacred nature of this gathering…” is a lie. I had willingly and sincerely signed the contract about upholding confidentiality. And it is not true that I was offered the “option to print any documents.” I was offered to email my private documents to a member of the stake presidency, so that they could print them out for me. I remind you that this was all taking place at 7:30 pm when I knew I only had one hour for all witnesses to share their thoughts, me included. I would have had to be afforded a computer where I could privately copy/paste the notes I needed, and then print them off myself. That offer was never forthcoming.

I am also sad that the church spokesman, Eric Hawkins, also lied when he stated in the Salt Lake Tribune, “All but one of the participants complied with that request (of leaving cellphones outside of the room) and had brought their statements in writing.” First of all, there was no prior agreement that statements would be brought in writing. When one of the sisters realized they were being dismissed, she asked the gentleman if he would at least be willing to take statements they had in writing. He agreed and only three of my witnesses had such documents available. Therefore, the council was planning on going forward without ANY of the witnesses statements that had been previously approved, and yet were offered 3 - which Steve claims they read. Secondly, NONE of the witnesses were invited to enter under ANY condition. None were asked if they would be willing to turn off their phones or leave their phones outside, etc. After a period of about 10-15 minutes, they were told that they were being dismissed, and if they wouldn’t leave the police would be called.

I am mostly sad, no… downright disgusted, that 5 temple-recommend & calling-holding sisters who had travelled from out of state to attend this meeting, were locked out of our own meeting chapel, left to stand on the sidewalk with no seating arrangements, were refused the use of a toilet, and were not allowed to witness on my behalf even though they too, had complied with all the agreements. How is this in any way, shape or form excusable? I humbly ask that all of them be offered a personal and public apology. The grief and disbelief I saw in their eyes was the most painful part of my day.

It is also a lie that this council had nothing to do with my practice as a therapist. Every single concern of “misconduct” that Steve Daley brought to my attention in his letter dated November 8, 2020 had to do with how I conduct myself as a mental health professional. Saying that the sole purpose was to consider my “repeated, clear and public opposition to… the Church, its doctrines, its policies and its leaders” is exactly related to my public stances on sexual and mental health. There are no other times I speak critically about the church that I can think of. Every criticism I offer relates to the age old tension between scientific data and religious dogma as it is understood at the time.

I hope the above points specify many of the alleged errors or unfairness in the procedure or decision of this council. Not to mention the complications and undue distress of holding this council in a place I no longer reside, the extreme short notice, the accommodations I had to make with clients and work that came at quite a large financial cost to me and my family, the wasted cost of all my witnesses both in travel, lodging and their own lives being disrupted, etc. Even after working tirelessly for almost two weeks, I was still not able to gather and provide all of the relevant information I would have wanted to present in a matter as important as retaining my membership in this Church. Lastly, many of your own guidelines in the General Handbook of Instructions were not followed in this case (i.e. I requested that the entire high council be present which was denied - supported by GHI).

I will be sending a copy of this letter to Steve Daley and I request that this be the last time I am required to have any contact with him personally. I will also be sending a copy to President Rather of the Derby Kansas Stake, President Newbold of the Wilford Utah Stake, the area authorities of both stakes, as well as your general office.

As far as the four things that were shared as expectations of me “for repair and returning to full fellowship,” I’d like to address them next.

1. Cease to use disparaging and vulgar language to describe the Church and its leaders. There is plenty of room in the Church for diversity of thought on many issues while still being civil and kind.

I agree. And I apologize that my use of the term “patriarchal prick” was so offensive and caused such discomfort. At the same time, if grown men are so appalled at such vulgar language (the only term I can find in my history that would be considered such), I ask you to consider how a 12 year old might respond to what I consider disparaging and vulgar language to describe those who are struggling to uphold your standards. Some examples include…. Lazy, prideful, deceived, destroyers, deluded, offended, worldly, misled, fallen, children of Satan, unfaithful, unclean, unnatural, perverse, in the grasp of Satan, bad influences, etc. These terms are used in clear, repeated ways over many of our pulpits. Are you aware that name calling, especially of young, impressionable children and teens can have the following effects:

a. Destroys the bond between the person hearing the names and the person calling the names.

b. It can crush a youngster’s self-image.

c. It can break down communication.

d. It can change a child’s brain structure, and

e. It can be remembered and continue to harm a person for years to come.

I’d be glad to offer you journaled references to any of these claims if you ask.

2. Begin to attend Church meetings regularly.

I would love to regularly attend Church meetings. I miss the fellowship with my fellow saints, participating in the ritual of the Sacrament and singing hymns. Sadly, I do not feel the Spirit in many of the church meetings I attend, especially when the things that are shared in regards to mental or sexual health are incorrect and even harmful. Since it is not my place to correct those teachings in those spaces, it harms me instead of edifies me to participate in church attendance at this time. Did you know that “sex and gender affirming spaces” are considered those that:

a. Use respectful & inclusive language (including preferred pronouns),

b. Experiences of discrimination and harassment are understood through a lens that recognizes social and historical contexts,

c. Each person’s internal and individual experience of gender identity, gender expression and/or sexual orientation are respected,

d. Minorities are included in the activities and leadership of their groups.

I’d be glad to attend my local ward meetings weekly, if you’d be open to considering my notes/feedback as to what I observed as being non-inclusive or potentially harmful for any mental health concern. I would offer the service for free as my “calling”.

3. Earnestly study the scriptures.

I’m not sure why it is assumed that I don’t, because I do, so we can check that one off the list. In addition, I would love to send you a weekly journal article from the mental health professions on a topic I believe you and our ward communities could benefit from. Are you willing to study such materials?

4. Meet regularly with your bishop.

I would love to meet with my bishop if my records could be transferred to my local stake. I would be willing to meet in the spirit of mutual counsol, where he could offer me spiritual guidance, while at the same time be open to some of my ideas from a professional perspective. I am neighbors with my Utah bishop and enjoy his and his family’s company tremendously.

I strongly believe that this supposed conflict between science and religion need not be, especially as professionals and spiritual leaders agree to interact respectfully and take seriously the considerations of the general welfare of our people. I believe we both have contributions to make. Especially in a church that claims revelatory powers, where changes can be made in the name of loving Heavenly Parents that know we are still in the process of learning ourselves.

I invite all of you to consider this an opportunity to begin your relationship with me again. Albeit feisty, I am very forgiving and giving. I want nothing more than to use my professional expertise to help those in our church. I have many other colleagues, both in and out of the church, that feel the same way. Please take us up on our offers to educate, train and find healthy areas of compromise. As we strive to “love one another” and “lean not unto our own understandings,” there is much universal wisdom to tap into.

Respectfully,

Natasha Helfer, LCMFT, CST, CST-S

Additional questions that address my concerns in regards to this particular council and its results:

1. Why was I only allowed 1 hour to present my case? GHI Section 32.10.3

2. Why was not all relevant information presented in this process? GHI Section 32.10.3

3. Why are these charges coming up now, when my “opposition” has been present for many years? Section 32.6.32

4. Why were my concerns about my conflict of interest with Steve Daley ignored? And was the first Presidency alerted to this situation? Section 32.9.7oes here